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Look up your name in the urban dictionary

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Another week of hell is coming to an end. Let’s go prepare for the next week from hell. Let’s relax with a shower, Adderall, a glass of whiskey, and by looking for our first names on Urban dictionary.

On UD, the highest definition for most names is a long compliment, an ode to all Lemon balm and Felicias and Kevin and Jorges that will never let you down. For many names, there is a long list of definitions full of praise. And reading them is like taking a hot bath.

Not everyone will get a top compliment. Sorry, Brad. But even if the top few definitions are mean, the first long one will probably be golden. (Go to Definition 5, Brad.) Not all compliments may apply to you – they can be a bit heteronormative, for example – but it’s good to think about all the people who bear your name and to all of their friends who wanted to tell a website how awesome they are.

And I really believe friends wrote them – they don’t sound like someone calling themselves awesome. They sound like yearbook signatures or wedding toast. They are expressions of love, and reading them (for your own name or that of others) allows you to appreciate that love.

If you listen Reply to all throughout, you’ll recognize this sort of thing in the host catchphrases at the end of the episode. In the credits, they always slip a laudatory metaphor about Matt Lieber, co-founder of Reply to allpublisher of Gimlet Media. “Matt Lieber is a rope swing over a pond.” “Matt Lieber is a new puppy who finally sleeps all night.” “Matt Lieber is taking a nap in a park. There are a whole site that collects these slogans.

You don’t have your own podcast hosts giving you compliments, but you have Urban Dictionary. Soak up all that love and enjoy how it surfaced on a site that exists primarily to explain drugs, slurs, and mythical sex acts. A site that currently defines “No Nut November” on its home page. Your name, whatever it is, has thawed even the cold heart of Urban Dictionary.